Bread pudding

October 13th 2006
Budaiya

This is the third friday for ramadhan. Its quiet in the homefront, apart from doing my usual household chores, I managed to try making my first bread pudding using my newly bought oven. It didnt turn out very well...I think I overcooked it. But it is still edible. So I promised myself that I am going to bake some cookies for Eid.

PS:
And to my dismay I found out that I have nothing much to talk to a friend today.
One of those days again I supposed.
Funny though, you feel that you missed a person, but you have nothing to say.
He kept saying that he could read whats in my heart and in my mind but will not disclosed it to me.
Am I that transparent ? Did I let the cat out of the bag again ?
Nah..he was just pulling my leg.

Happy Birthday to EB.......wherever you are

October 11th 2006
Budaiya

The eleventh of october

Someone is celebrating a birthday today.
Someone who decided to just disappear without a trace...
Let alone a goodbye,
Without a reason.
Without a word.

It was the New Year Eve of 2004.
The last time I heard his voice.
The last message that I had from him.

My phone calls were unanswered.
My messages were not returned.
My emails were not replied.

And I knew he was not dead.

His photos grazed the magazine pages.
His names appear somewhere as the webmaster
His car parked at his office building
His harley vrooming into the desert
And he was not alone.......

Almost 3 years now.
The hurt is less painful
The wound has healed
But the scar still remains.......
Years go by,
Memories stay
As near and dear as yesterday.

Yet the memories are still haunting my mind
The places we used to go
The walks on the beach
Just gazing at the far horizons
Those bright lights at the causeway
Those wonderful moments...

Its like everytime ... everywhere
Theres not a spot when I didnt think of you.......

We had some good years together
And I'd like to remember those
With a little sadness
With a little smile



EULOGY FOR EB
Like the summer's rain
And pearl of morning dew
Never to be found again
Someone as dear as you


HAPPY BIRTHDAY EB.......!
Still missed, still loved, and ever dear.
Memories in my heart today
Mean more than words can ever say.

Down memory lane of my Alma Mater

October 10th 2006
Budaiya

Down memory lane of my Alma Mater

I was thinking about my old school yesterday and went online hoping to find something.
I was lucky that they have a website now and I was able to view some pictures of my beloved school.
That school hold a dear place in my heart, and I shall never forget all the years that I have spent there. Six years in all.
It was my first experience to be away from home, getting into the routine of a full boarding school and it has thought me a great deal about life, especially being "independent".And I am thankful, for it has shaped me into the person that I am now.

The photographs brought back lots of memories and I feel kind of sad in a way. Nostalgic perhaps. Looking at the school compound, where we used to have evening walks just before the bell rings for dinner. The prep hours, the dining hall, the dormitories, the classrooms.......

Only then I found out that I had missed their 50th anniversary celebration on 1st july 2006.

Deep down in my heart I had always have the intention of visiting the school again. Perhaps I would be able to do that the next time I am in JB. I missed all my friends, all of which we have lost contact since years ago.
I wonder where are they now...
It would be good if we could meet up again.

15th day of Ramadhan

October 7th 2006
Budaiya

Today is the 15th day of Ramadhan.

Nothing special for dinner this evening, just plain rice with chicken with potatoes in coconut milk, fried fish and some vegetables on the side. No dessert today except for some figs and dates.
There was a full moon to keep me company and it was so beautiful, like a big lighted ball in the vast sky.

While having my iftar just now, I saw a special evening programme on tv, all about Ramadhan and how it is being celebrated in Muslim countries.
It is a Malaysian programme and everday I try not to miss it, since I could still catch a glimpse of my country. But today, it shows the Eid celebration, on the first day of Aidil Fitri. The "takbir" really touched my heart, and suddenly I felt so homesick and lonely and I feel like going home to celebrate Eid with my family. I really missed the Aidil Fitri celebration.

Unknowingly tears were streaming down my face when I heard the takbir. The sadness keeps coming back, the nostalgia keep pouring in.Luckily no one was around.
For the whole night I was and still am feeling sad with all the memories keep coming back.

Do we forgive and forget ?

October 7th 2006
Budaiya

Do we forgive and forget ?

NO and NO.
I have always tried to reflect on my not being able to forgive and forget that easily.
Someone did say that to forgive is the best way to come to terms with the situation and move on.
Only time may be able to make you remember less or unless otherwise alzheimer would do it perfectly.

How could we forget if we had been hurt badly ?
And sometimes it is traumatizing and may affect someones future.
Worst still it could turn someone to be hostile and be psychologically affected.

Anyway, my point here is when someone shoot out some bad and damaging remarks towards you that may be tarnishing your reputation. How could we simply forgive this ? Let alone forget.

God has given you the creativity and ability to do certain works.
But at the same time God is able to take it all back in a split second.

What if the backpain that you are having gets more severe and you would be paralysed and confined to a wheel chair.

What if you are not able to make use of your hands to hold the mouse to draw again ?

What if....... what if.......
The thing is that nothing lasts forever. You have got to make the best of situation while it lasts.
Today you may be able to brag about your capabilities and talents. In your very own eyes you are talented, and you have your followers who followed you with a blindfold and earplugs, without a question that they look up to you because you were their teacher before. Cant blame them since they are very patriotic and defensive of their countryman.

So we shall see....... this is not the end of the saga yet.
What goes round will come around. Enjoy the view at the top while you are there.
For one day you will come down and all you can do is just looking up but you could not go up again.

Moral of the story is to stay humble and be thankful to whatever God has blessed us with. There is no need to shoot poison arrows to anyone.
For whatever you send, will definitely come back you.

Someone said that God has a SPP, that is Standard Package Procedure.
You would see the results of whatever you do in no time. Be it good or bad.

Being the Holy month of Ramadhan, I asked for your forgiveness and guidance.

My expired peanut sauce

October 6th 2006
Budaiya

A nice and windy day here,for a change and it is getting cooler. The so called winter is finally on the way.
I had the opportunity to sleep in for a bit, missed my syahur eventhough the alarm clock was set to 3pm.
I just couldnt wake up. Anyway i still managed to continue with my fasting, but the bad news is that I can feel my body is being deprived of the 8 glasses of water. My lips started cracking and an ulcer is bothering me. It is so painful that I find it difficult to eat.
I was searching for dessert recipes to cook for iftar,
but end up not cooking at all. Just managed to prepare some soup, my version of minestrone soup. With whatever is left in my larder. Not bad.
I have always love soups.
I had put in some meat, carrots, potatoes, chickpeas, tomatoes and lots of oregano and pepper.

While cleaning my larder, I found some expired food items... now could I still use them ? They still looks good. No moulds.
It would be such a waste to throw them out.
My eyes are always bigger than my stomach, when buying food items. I thought I would have time to cook this and that, but in the end the packages stood silently in the cupboard.I feel sad if I have to throw them.
Next time I should tell myself and remember not to 'overbuy'...buy only the items that I want to cook at that moment.
Sigh.

Meeting an old friend

October 5th 2006
Budaiya

My trip to Doha was good and fruitful. Spent the whole morning till 1pm sorting out the work related stuff and in the evening, met up with an old friend. It was so nice seeing her again after more than a year. I last saw her Singapore last july. From the look of it she is doing well in Doha, but she still have that "loneliness" and missing the family bugs. We met for iftar and as usual we can never finish talking and catching up on each other's life.
The iftar buffet was really a great temptation, but how much can one eat after a long day of fasting.Among all those nicely presented food, I still prefer the good old minestrone soup, eaten with some bread and herb butter.

What surprises me most was that the hotel's restaurant in Doha is open during ramadhan...!!!
And anyone can just walk in and eat.